


The Irrational Concept of True Love

by PrincessnotsoPerfect07



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/F, Jemily - Freeform, No Spoilers, au where Will dies, set in the beginning of season 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 05:55:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9706076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessnotsoPerfect07/pseuds/PrincessnotsoPerfect07
Summary: A newly engaged Emily and a heartbroken mildly depressed JJ discuss the concept of true love and try to make sense of it during a very angsty car trip.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a mild AU where Will LaMontague is dead, I know sad I love him. Also I imply that JJ is depressed so if that triggers you you have been warned.

She stared out the window of the plane, playing with the ring on her finger. Marriage, a scary task. A new beginning, a promise to stay, to love and depend on a man she had known for 2 years. It takes one glance to fall in love, according to Spencer Reid. It had taken her 6 months to fall for Mark, over expensive wine and microwave macaroni and cheese dates at the office and laughing at his ridiculous ties. She smiled at the thought of him, his curly hair and ridiculous accent. The man who held her when she missed home and hugs when she sobbed in the theatre because Rogue One was too quote on quote realistic. Who’d described her coffee as ‘what darkness tastes like’ and thought that her smile could cure cancer. 

She loved him, freckles and all, but is it true love if you have to think about whether it is real or not? If you questioned his loyalty when he stared longingly at other women when you were out, if you felt awkward and strange when he held you close in public. When he forgot your birthday, got moody and grumpy when you had to go to work. Things that seemed so small and ridiculous and yet stung. Rossi, the pretentious writer he is, called them pin pricks.

She wondered if things would have been easier if she were with JJ. 

She often thought about the first day they met. Emily a try hard newbie and JJ a shy yet powerful blonde angel. How Emily would bring her coffee, memorizing her order a week after they met, and how JJ would laugh when she got it wrong. How they would stay up late together working on casefiles and talking about everything from life to love and what Morgan and Garcia would name their children (Hank or Han for a boy and Leia or Luna for a girl). 

They always seemed to know when something was wrong with the other,by a glance at Emily’s bitten fingernails or JJ’s unfriendly silence. Sure Spencer could figure that out as well. He probably also knows that JJ twirls her pencil between her fingers when she is thinking about her son, or that she equates the cups of coffee she drinks in a day to a specific problem (7 if it's about marriage, 5 if it’s Henry plus 3 if he is sick and 10 if it's work related). Or how she always shakes out her hands and tugs at her hair before she gives out a press release. An eidetic memory is a skill shared both by geniuses and fools in love.

Maybe that’s why it hurt when Emily saw her a few minutes before the wedding, listening to Rage Against the Machine and laughing while twirling around in her dress. Because the happiness was real in her eyes, love and excitement in her smile. True feelings, true love. Uncomplicated and sweet. 

Maybe that's why Emily stopped waiting for true love, because it wasn't real. It was complicated and hard and confusing . After all princesses get prince charmings not evil queens.

!!! Read the first section don't read this unless you want to!!!!

JJ stood in the arrival area, holding up the sign that Penelope had made for Emily. It was very Prentiss: dark and a bit fluffy from the tufts of fabrics that Henry had stuck on because they reminded him of Sergio's fur. JJ hugged the sign close to her chest, smiling at Henry who was leaning against her leg. 

“When will Aunty Emily be here?” he asked rubbing his eyes. 

“In a minute baby.” she smiled ruffling his hair. Just then a flood of passengers stumbled in, exhausted from travel. It took her about a minute to find her dark haired friend, in her dark purple v neck and messed up hair. How she always managed to look beautiful never ceased to amaze JJ. 

“AUNTY EMILY!” Henry squealed jumping up and down. 

Emily turned round and caught JJ’s gaze. A tired smiled forming at her lips. JJ grinned back, waving the sign back and forth. Prentiss laughed as she approached, bending down to hug Henry through the gaps of the fence. 

“Hey there big guy, how are you doing?” she laughed. 

JJ loved seeing Emily with Henry. How she always put on a smile when she saw him and how she always remembered to bring oreos every time she visited because they were Henry’s favorite.

“Did you make that?’ she gasped pointing at the sign in her hands.

“Uh huh, Aunty Garcia helped me!” he nodded.

“Oh it’s beautiful.” she gushed. She then looked JJ in the eye, gaze unwavering. JJ pulled her into a tight hug. 

“Welcome back.” JJ whispered, smiling into Emily’s shoulder. 

“It’s good to be home.” Emily stuttered back. She was the first to end the hug which made JJ’s smile waver. She hated the feeling after a hug, the feeling of letting go. She remembered how Will had hugged her for a very long time before he left for work the day of the accident. The last hug of the last day. 

“JJ?” Prentiss asked worried. She’d crossed the barrier, Henry in her arms, bags on the cart. 

“Oh right, sorry I spaced out let’s get going.” she said, her perky happy way. The way she had always been. The bubbly, happy front she mask she wore everyday and every night. She thought it wasn’t fake but she never could be sure. Happiness was confusing, a feeling so fleeting yet strong and she could never tell if it was real or not. And she hated not knowing. 

“So how was your flight?” she asked Emily as she unlocked the trunk and began placing the suitcases in. Adult Tetris Will had called it. She hated thinking about him.   
“It was good, the old lady next to kept asking me if I had kids and that I should hurry up with making some while I still can.” she laughed.

JJ chuckled with her, placing an exhausted Henry onto the back seat, wrapping a blanket around him. “Well you should, you’re great with them, just look at you with Henry. And Declan for that matter!” JJ smiled getting into the driver’s seat. 

“Yeah, I’ll let Mark know.” she laughed wryly. 

“Oh I completely forgot tell me about him.” JJ. 

“He’s....good.” Emily trailed, staring at the window as they began to drive. 

“Good really, that’s all I’m going to get?” JJ asked raising an eyebrow. 

“He is also a very big Star Wars fan and hates green tea with honey but oddly likes black tea with honey.” she smirked. 

“Oh yeah, I can tell he’s a real catch from that description.” JJ replied rolling her eyes. She hated that about Emily, how she never revealed anything, she left everything bottled up. It only made her want to pry and question her. But this was Emily’s first day back, she didn't need to be interrogated. 

“So, how’s Will?” Emily asked nonchalantly. JJ felt her hands grip the wheel, nails piercing into the leather.

“He….passed away 6 months ago.” she mumbled, making a turn. She could feel the awkward tension build as Emily stared at her in shock. 

“I..I’m sorry. When...what happened? Why didn't you tell me?” she asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. JJ felt her whole body stiffen. Only Will did that, only WIll was allowed to do that to calm her down. She shook Emily’s hand off. 

“He was….shot during a heist. I didn't want to talk about it. The team found out, of course, and everyone else was informed by Will’s coworkers. I’m sorry Em.” she replied with her standard response. 

“How did Henry take it?’ Emily asked. Another thing JJ loved about Emily- kids always come first no matter what. 

“He didn't understand it at first but he slowly began to realize that his dad was..gone forever. He cried for 2 whole night after it dawned on him. He practically worships Spence now, always asks to speak to him on the phone every night. It’s adorable but also sad.” JJ mumbled, trying to focus on the road and not the fact that Emily’s hand was now on her thigh. 

“What about you?” Emily whispered. JJ let out a shaky breath, she tried to focus on the road. The dim streetlights, the traffic signals, the blinkers at the rear of the car in front of her. If you stare at a light long enough you will stop crying, Spence taught her that. 

“I’m fine, it comes with the job. You know that, I know that, he knew that bu,t for a lack of a better word, it sucks. It sucks that he’s gone and Henry won't grow up with his father. It sucks that Will will never get to live in the white picket fence house in New Orleans when we retired and we will never have two golden retrievers called Sally and Harry after his mom’s favorite movie.” 

She stopped to take a breathe, felt the tears welling up in her eyes. Emily squeezed her thigh slightly. She made another right and then let out a dry laugh. “You know what’s sad? We think of people having this one true love. That one person who gets them, understands them and truly loves and sees them. I know Will was my true love, I believe that with all my heart. But, he’s gone and he’s never coming back so does that mean no one will ever be able to understand me again. Will I never again have someone I can trust completely and care about with every fibre in my being. Sure I have Henry and I love him with my all my heart and soul but there is something different about motherly love and relationship. A different kind of intensity, passion. To put it in Morgan’s way ‘a totally different ball game’. So, will I never experience that ever again?”

There was an eerie silence as JJ pulled onto her street. Emily sighed, leaning back into her seat. “True love is..real. It’s as real as real can be. The ache in your heart when he or she is gone, the flip in your stomach when they kiss you, the heat and passion when you make love, it’s all real. But I don’t think there is only one true love. I mean you’re right about different kinds of love, I know you love Henry and that is never going to change. You love him with every fibre of your being, you would die for him and maybe, if it came to it, kill for him. That is true love. And with Will, you’re right he is your true love and it will never be the same-”

“Are you trying to make me feel better or worse?” JJ laughed, pulling up to her driveway

Emily shook her head. “Hear me out! I’m saying that, true love isn't a one time thing. Because feelings in general are not a one time thing. Think about it, let’s say you were happy once, and then you feel sad for a long time. It feels never ending, and you begin to feel hopeless and afraid but sooner or later, you will smile again. That’s true love, a rollercoaster of confusing emotions with ups and down. Now you are at a down, that’s understandable but eventually you will meet someone. Someone who will love the beautiful, kind, soft angel that you are. They will love you and Henry with all their heart and you will be back on the rollercoaster. It isn't this jigsaw puzzle where you only have one piece that fits you it's more of a….”

JJ turned to face her friend, amused by her eyebrows scrunched in frustrations as she clicked her fingers trying to find the perfect analogy. “It’s like socks!” she yelled, slapping the dashboard. JJ shushed her, pointing at the sleeping Henry in the back and chuckled.

“Socks?”

“Yeah, socks. You can wear them in a pair but you can also mix and match and they still fit perfectly. Not the best analogy but you get it right?” Emily rambled earnestly. They stared at each other for a while and then erupted into laughter, shoving each other playfully.

“Shhh.” Henry whispered from the back. The two women turned around, cheeks pink with embarrassment and then proceeded to break into a fit of giggles.


End file.
